39 Resume Mistakes TO AVOID These are reportedly taken from real resumes and cover letters.
Resume Mistakes
- My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
- Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.
- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
- Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.
- I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
- I am a rabid typist.
- Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.
- Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.
- Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
- Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.
- I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.
- References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.
- Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
- Don’t take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.
- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
- I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.
- I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail.
- Qualifications: No education or experience.
- Disposed of 2.5 billion in assets.
- Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.
- Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!
- Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
- I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
- I have burnt Word Perfect 6.0 computer and spreadsheet programs.
- Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
- Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
- Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
- Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
- It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
- Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.
- You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
- Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
- Note: Please don’t misconstrue my fourteen jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.
- Marital status: often. Children: various.
- Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.
- The company made me a scapegoat, just like my 3 previous employers.
- Finished eighth in my class of ten.
- My endless list of incredibly relevant job experiences is exceeded only by my modesty.
